lexilewords

When I was fourteen I wanted a friend.  A true friend.  Someone to talk to and walk with.  In all my years I think only one person has taken me up on it and she was a rather sweet serving girl.  Mary or Marie or something like that was her name.  She wasn't much older then myself, all smiles and dimples and curly hair.  I envied her almost immediately.  Still she would sit with me and listen to me read, or go for walks with me, or help me with my sewing.  It might seem like she should be bored, but she was so incurably happy that I don't think she cared. 

I still envied her--next to her I looked like a pale, sickly person.  I didn't smile much and had to wear dark clothing so it didn't help my appearance any. 

One day while going through the gardens we came upon the butcher's son and older brother.  They bowed to me and seemed nervous.  Marie (or Mary) laughed and told them I wasn't so bad.  'Poor dear is so sick all the time,' she told them, looking at me with pity.  'Just look at how sallow her skin is!' she shook her head sadly, not even noticing how my expression had gone from polite to furiously red.

The butcher's son and his uncle noticed however and became even more discomfited.  In that moment my envy turned to pure hatred.  The sight of her laughing at what she perceived as my faults boiled my blood.  With great restraint I kept myself from launching at her, instead taking her arm so we could go back inside.  If the men were at all uneasy about my expression or the tone of my voice they didn't dare say anything. 

Inside we went and to the audience chambers.  I wasn't allowed there ordinarily, only if Father and Mother were with me.  I would get into a lot of trouble if I so much as touched the doors.  So I made certain that everyone saw Mary (or Marie) push the doors open, that it was Marie (or Mary) who urged me inside.  I made a great show of reluctance, looking around hesitantly before finally following her.

My Father's steward saw me slip inside and immediately went to alert my Father.  While Marie (or Mary) was busy ohhh'ing over the gold-gilded picture frames and crystal sconces he came thundering into the Chambers.  "Annalise!" he barked.  I didn't have to feign the frightened look I gave him.  I still could get in trouble for this after all.

"Fa-father?" I said, inching towards Mary (or Marie).

"What is the meaning of this?" he said, advancing towards me.  "You are never allowed in here!"

"I just wanted..." I trailed off at the expression on his face.  Bad idea bad idea bad idea echoed through my head.

Oh but Mary (or Marie) didn't let me down.  "Sir it was I who brought Miss Annalise in here. I wanted to see the chambers," she said, flashing her sunniest smile.

On anyone else it would have worked. On my father however...he backhanded her across the face with his ring hand.  When Marie (or Mary) had turned her face back towards me I saw a jagged cut the length of the left side of her face bleeding freely.  She looked shocked, to say the least, and looked to me.  For what I couldn't guess, not then.  Now though I think she thought I would defend her.  

I didn't.

I was dragged off by my equally irate looking Mother who chastised me the entire way back to my room, where I stayed for two months only leaving for official events.  As for Mary or Marie or whatever her name was?  I see her occasionally in the town, no longer as sunny as she once was, quiet, and sullen.  If she sees me she hurries the other way.

I remember her name now.  It wasn't Mary or Marie.  It was Siria, meaning 'Sun-bright'.

When I was much younger--a baby really-- any trips I took outside the boundaries of my home were made in the company of both my parents, my older sister, and at least three other people.  At any given time two people had to be with me and holding my hands or one was to be holding me in their arms while the other stood by.  No exceptions.

One time, while out at the foodstalls choosing what produce we needed, my sister Greta got distracted by a young man she knew.  As they chatted she would pat my head on occasion to make sure I was there, but wouldn't really look.  To compound the problem the girl with us had suddenly run off to use the bathroom when her morning sickness kicked in.  I'm not sure if she told my sister or not, but even if she had I doubt Greta would have listened.  Her eyes were only for that young man.

I grew bored, as children are wont to do when forced to stand still for long periods of time.  At first I only ventured to the stall across from where Greta stood with the young man.  Then I ventured further down the lane, to pluck a strawberry to eat.  Little by little I ventured so far away that when I finally realized I was full and tired, I could no longer turn around and see my sister.  Or the young man for that matter and he was quite tall.

I didn't panic, even at such a young age I was uncommonly calm and placid my parents say, but I was confused.  In my confusion I mistook a stranger to be my sister--similar colored tunics--and chased after this lady.  As soon as I realized my mistake I stopped and that is when it dawned on me that I had left the safety of the produce stalls and was in the market square proper.  All around me people bustled or shouted or bartered.  Fascinated I didn't move.

Perhaps the Gods were smiling upon Greta that day or perhaps she got very very lucky, but she found me with relative ease.  Scolding me soundly for wandering off she completely forgot that she had ignored me.  By tacit agreement she and the girl with us spoke not a word of the incident to our parents when we again rejoined the group.  For myself I kept silent because I knew that it was pointless to speak up.  There was no question that our parents would believe me if I told them what transpired, but equally there was no question what the punishment would be.

Greta would be sent to a women's commune far away, banished from returning.  I would never see her again.

The young girl?  If she wasn't killed outright, it was likely my parents would have only allowed her to live long enough to deliver her child and then had her killed.  They aren't cruel after all and wouldn't think to harm an innocent because of their parents' sin.